Surfing 101


Pulse –

A smooth transition.
Slowly, the focus shifts and I’m on the bus, looking at everybody, bodies moving around, being important, doing important things. And my thoughts bunch up in tight, urgent clusters, groping for my attention, trying to out-do the importance of everyone else. In moments like this, you have to ignore yourself for a while, if you want to keep watching the …
Pulse –

I’m in a café, all abstract again, drinking some stupid tea. It’s like surfing infinity, and every time I fall off, I strain to get back on again. I fall off a lot, but the view from up there …
Pulse –

Still in the café, but now I’m floating, treading water and diving for truth.
Is it in this cup? Is it in the little chunks of jazz being hurled into my ears? Will it come out if I stab the waitress with the fork? Something will definitely come out then…
So much freedom. No wonder people rush for jobs and other addictions. Kids. Causes. Diseases. What would we do otherwise? We might do something unexpected: shift the right block and the whole damn structure would topple into unrecognisable pieces. We’d have to start over. New kids, new diseases…
All this freedom. And the shame, because I don’t remember what to do with it!
And the black sea stares back with countless eyes, winking now and again, just so that I don’t shit my pants.
Pulse –

The wave comes big, so I jump on and ride the dreams, the ideals, the infinite possibilities…
Whatever I desire is there, on the horizon. I must just point at it and ride and not fall off.

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